Struggle with Pain

I have always seen the world a little bit different than the average person. I struggle with this, because not many people can handle me (not sure if that is the right word or not). I see life as an experience not to be missed. Unfortunately, life includes the good as well as the bad. And here is where I differ with the average joe. I don't see pain (ie, conflict, struggle, doubt,whatever word you want to put on it) as a bad thing to be avoided. I see it as something to be embraced. Not to run toward. But when it comes my way, to gently embrace it. I see pain as a soft mist that must pass through me. And when it does it creates something in me that is beautiful.

So often our culture does everything we can to avoid any semblance of pain. I became completely aware of this when I had my first miscarriage two years ago. At my two week check up, I was a little tearful. Two people close to me had just had their babies and I was reminded of my empty womb at the doctors office. The doctor said "Here are some drugs, because I don't like to see my patients cry." This comment by the doctor struck me as odd. Why shouldn't I cry over the loss of my child? I wanted to experience this loss, because I new God was in the mist with me. And on the other side was something I needed. At this point I can say the pain was beautiful because I learned another thing about God, as well as myself (not to mention all the beautiful friends that surrounded me!)

The struggle I have is that there are not many people who understand this view of conflict. And so I am left to look like a raging pit bull at the sight of blood. I don't want to say I love conflict, because that sounds a little odd.

When iron sharpens iron, there will be sparks, but the iron will be better in the end.